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This is My Story

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On February 2, 2021, I had a visit with my primary care physician for what I deemed to be a sinus infection. I’d had clear fluid leaking from my nose for about 6 weeks and by this point, I WAS OVER IT!

While at the Dr. I explained my symptoms, the Dr. asked to see exactly what I was referencing and after showing her the fluid, she became concerned. My Dr. said that if it’s what she “thinks it is” then I’ll be the 3rd patient in her 20 years of practicing that’s been diagnosed with this condition. So, now I’m looking at her thinking to myself, “What are you really saying?” I disregarded her comment, or at least I thought I did. My immediate thoughts were, “now why would she even say that?”, “she’s just being extra”, “ain’t no way this can happen to me”.

Something about those words just did not sit well with me, but I kept my composure. I’m aware of the fact that I deflect to avoid disappointment, that’s a coping mechanism that I’ve developed from past experiences. I’m currently in therapy by the way, you should try it! #ShamelessPlug!

Sure enough, for the FIRST time in the history of Dr. Google’s symptom search, I actually had what Google listed as “in rare cases”. My primary care physician ordered an immediate CT scan, which (THANK GOD) I was able to book an appointment for that same day. My Dr. also referred me to an ENT (Ear, Nose & Throat) Specialist.

February 5, 2021

Well, I got up first thing that Friday morning with no real concerns because I fully anticipated being told to buy some over the counter nasal spray and go enjoy the rest of my day. Boy, was I wrong! After reviewing my CT Scan, the Dr. did a closer examination by putting a scope up my nose (talk about uncomfortable!) But what he found was heart wrenching. On Friday, February 5th at 2:00 p.m. the ENT Specialist confirmed that I had a Cerebrospinal Fluid (CSF) Leak.

The Dr. then proceeds to scurry throughout his office, making phone calls, requesting documents & paperwork be sent immediately. When he reentered the room he said to me, “this is above what I can do, I’m going to need you to drive to see this Dr., his office will be waiting for you, here’s the address.” Now, I’m shook! After leaving the specialist’s office, I sat in my car for a few minutes to gather myself. I fought back tears as I called my mom to tell her the news.

As I’m driving on I-495 to John’s Hopkins in Bethesda, Maryland, I could not stop my hands from shaking. I kept thinking, “God this is the second time this week I’ve shown up for an appointment and the Dr. has been on high alert, sending me to other cities for tests. What’s really going on?” It was ALOT to process! I had no comprehension of the severity of the situation. My condition stemmed from a defect in the outer lining of my skull. A piece of my brain was hemorrhaging through a small tear in the lining of my skull and that caused the fluid to leak. The surgeon had to remove the hemorrhaged, non functioning piece of my brain to repair the defect & stop the leak.

After meeting with the second specialist & surgeon, they requested more tests. I had a total of 7 exams on my brain within a two week time span. A few appointments, test results & phone calls later, I was scheduled for my brain surgery on Thursday, February 25th at 8:30 a.m. at John’s Hopkins Suburban Hospital in Bethesda, Maryland.

Pre-Operation

The days leading up to my surgery were psychologically strategic. I was intentional about not sharing this news with everyone until AFTER my recovery process. Even the simple questions & concerns of my close friends & family would bring me such grief. I didn’t have the answers. I didn’t know the cause. The only thing that I could control was my peace & I needed peace to help me through this unprecedented time.

When I settled down from all of the Dr. appointments and tests, I realized that I never really had time to process everything and once it set in that I’m actually going to have brain surgery, my emotions hit me like a tsunami. I wept uncontrollably for an entire day!

What I’ve noticed (and I’ve been guilty of) is that many believers immediately jump to faith without taking time to process their feelings. That’s the one part of the scripture that we recite, but don’t apply. You know, “faith without works”. Had I not been honest with God about my frustration, fear & discontent, I’d be miserable throughout this faith journey.

My conversations with God went a little something like this:

Then, my conversations with God became real…

Me: “Okay God, I’m angry! In fact, I’m pissed! I’ve been through so much since I relocated to Maryland! I did not even want to be here! I moved to Maryland out of obedience! I literally gave up what “I THOUGHT” would be my life. I surrendered, accepted & committed to YOUR plan for me. I know you did not bring me here for this to be it! I did not come to Maryland to suffer!” Once I applied the “works” through self reflection & honest conversations, that made room for perspective shifting understanding & faith.

There was a snippet of a song entitled, “Already Done” by Kristen Hicks that I replayed non-stop. It helped me to process everything that I’d been through and will soon go through with my surgery. I had a moment in my living room when there were no words to describe how I felt, I couldn’t do anything but cry.

Mentioned earlier, I was strategic in ensuring that I remained psychologically stable. I took time to cry, to process, to ask questions, to vent and to regroup. I had to make a conscious effort to be strong. Any urge that I felt to breakdown outside of my allotted “you can be a weeping mess” scheduled time, I had to fight it. Telling myself, “you’ve got this Tekey”, “you can’t cry right now, you’ve got to get this MRI done”, “just remember your why”, “it’ll be okay”. These were coping mechanisms that helped me to maintain until I had the safe space to cry again!

Another coping mechanism (that I enjoyed) was actually taking time to embrace the process. During my appointments, I’d snap photos, sing songs and document my surgical journey. I mean, it is only once in a lifetime that you’ll actually have this type of condition, right?

Can you imagine being a 30 year old, in another state, with no biological family? You show up for a general Dr. appointment, only be to told that you’ll need to have brain surgery. For two and a half weeks my life was a whirlwind. I went from everyday life, to Dr. appointments and tests every week, to having a date set for my surgery, to informing my family & friends, to requesting time off from my job, all while still fighting a mental breakdown. My mother arriving in town was the most comforting moment of the entire experience, because with her here, I didn’t have to fight alone.

I am confident in my role as an “overcomer”. I love breaking barriers & accomplishing my goals. However, this battle was incomprehensible. You see, I’m a strategist! I’m always processing “what’s next”, researching outcomes and developing plans to reach the end goal. There was absolutely no way that I could fully understand what this journey would be for me. The risks were too high! It was either have a successful surgery or live my life at half capacity. When the future of your life is in the hands of someone else, HOW DO YOU DEVELOP A STRATEGY FOR THAT? So, I did what made the most sense, I turned my thoughts off and I began to pray.

What I absolutely love about having faith (and a therapist) is that, once I released my emotions, my therapist helped me to process the entire situation with logic & perspective concerning what I’d have to go through. Then, I was in a psychologically stable position to say, “Okay God! I trust you, I can do this!” AND ACTUALLY MEAN IT!!!!

Post Operation

On March 12, 2021, I had my second post operation visit with the surgeon. Since being released from the hospital, I’ve had a stitch removed from my back where the drain was located, I’ve had the packing removed from my nose and most importantly, all of my test results looked great! During the appointment the Dr. shared with my mother that I’m healing remarkably well. With it only being two weeks since my brain surgery, I was so grateful to be feeling better and almost back to “myself”.

The surgeon mentioned on several occasions that this procedure was major & because of the location of the CSF leak, it was high risk. I must admit, I noticed how the nurses and doctors would stare at me in disbelief while in the hospital and during my post-op appointments. Due to how well my body responded & how quickly I was healing, my recovery process is one that my doctors took pride in sharing with others.

I Remember…

Amidst all of the chaos in transitioning to the recovery floor and being heavily sedated from the anesthesia, a moment that I’ll never forget is when I heard the nurse say, “Tekeya! You made it! You made it out of surgery!” Having the cognitive functions of my brain operating at full capacity was my greatest concern with this surgery. I oftentimes wondered, “will I ever be myself again?” Hearing those words from the nurse after my surgery was affirmation that God’s promise still stands. Tears filled my eyes and my heart was overwhelmed with gratitude. I could not speak at that time, but I remember looking towards the ceiling as I thought, “Dear God, thank you!”

April 8, 2021

It’s been 6 weeks since my brain surgery and 3 weeks ago I was cleared by the surgeon to drive again. I am so grateful that God kept me through my recovery process. The daily phone calls, text messages and the infinite amount of love and support that has been shown let’s my mom & I know that we are loved. I could not imagine going through the surgery and recovery process without having my mother by my side. I am relieved to finally be on the other side of all of the worrying, fears, anxiety, disappointment, discouragement, depression, frustration and doubt. It brings me GREAT JOY to share with you, that on April 8, 2021, I am celebrating a full recovery from brain surgery!

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You see that faith was active along with his works, and faith was completed by his works

James 2:14-22 (ESV)

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